Shitshow News: June 24, 2025

Broadcasting from a bunker somewhere between a BNPL default and a robotaxi collision.

FORT LAUDERDALE, FLORIDA (U.S.A.)👋 Good morning, meatbags. It’s Tuesday. Or what economists are calling: “Day 8,147 of waiting for the Fed to blink.”

I’m your host, Justin Kramm and this is Shitshow News — the only podcast with a studio powered entirely by hot takes, Wegovy side effects, and Carl the Manatee’s surprisingly aggressive Reiki energy.

🧾 TOP STORY: Financial Comfort Now Costs $100K and Your Soul
Nearly half of Americans say you need six figures just to feel “comfortable.”
The rest of us are just trying not to cry into our ramen while Klarna repo-men circle like vultures.

🚘 Tesla Robotaxis Launched in Austin
Elon’s robotaxis are finally on the road — which is great if you’ve ever wanted to be side-eyed by a car while crossing the street.

📉 BNPL Now Affects Credit Scores
FICO is now rating your ability to pay off that Squishmallow in four ghosted installments.
Pay on time? Cool.
Miss one? Your credit score now lives in a van behind a Spirit Halloween.

☢️ Iran + Israel = “Peace Adjacent”
Trump says a “Total Ceasefire” is here.
Also: Iran launched missiles at our base in Qatar. But they texted first, so it’s all chill.

🧬 AI Is Breaking the Job Market
You’re not being ghosted because you suck — you’re being ghosted by a robot that didn’t like your font.
Meanwhile, 11,000 job apps hit LinkedIn every minute, and recruiters now run on espresso and existential dread.

📸 World’s Largest Digital Camera: Now Live from Chile
3,200 megapixels. Thousands of galaxies.
Meanwhile, Uncle Dave’s camera roll is 94% blurry pets and memes about gout.

🏥 Wegovy Drama: Hims & Hers Dumped by Novo
Novo Nordisk shut down the deal after accusing Hims & Hers of selling fake skinny pens.
It’s like the Netflix doc version of a pharmacy breakup.

☀️ Heatwave Melting the U.S.
Triple digits everywhere.
If you’re in Phoenix, congratulations — you’ve been upgraded to slow roast.

🧘 Carl the Manatee’s Vibe Forecast
Carl says the ocean’s warm, the humans are weird, and your aura looks like it got evicted.
Hydrate, ground yourself, and don’t click on LinkedIn DMs that start with “Hey rockstar.”

🎤 GEORGE CARLIN QUOTE OF THE DAY
"That’s why they call it the American Dream — because you have to be asleep to believe it."

Still hits harder than your 401(k) statement.

That’s it from the Shitshow bunker.

If you're still vertical tomorrow, Carl will grant you safe passage through the chaos vortex.

SHITSHOW NEWS

It’s like Morning Brew — if it grew up on George Carlin, got fired by Indeed, and swam off with a philosophical sea cow.

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